Friday, May 27, 2011

My Wife Said This Is Why She Made Me A Blog

My latest Canadian Conspiracy, part IV...

I am watching the History Channel. Yes, the History Channel. It is a new episode about Big Foot: The Definitive Guide. You know, as in Harry and The Henderson's movie (damn, I am that old). Big Foot, the big ole hairy-knuckle dragging-no thinkin' redneck...sorry, I was thinking about the John Boy and Billy radio show.

Anyhow, Big Foot is also known as Sasquatch. And you may be wondering, how does this tie with the Great Canadian Conspiracy? I made to comment to my lovely wife Kristin, that since Big Foot is also known as Sasquatch, if Big Foot is really from Saskatchewan. As in Saskatchewan, Canada. While watching the TV show, they mentioned that the sightings of Big Foot are concentrated in Oregon, Washington state, Idaho and western Montana; stretching up into Western Canada. Of course,all these sightings started to occur after WWII. This was around the same time that the little brown skinned folks started to migrate north into the US. I guess that the Canadians decided to hide the Sasquatches, so they would not scare the hell out of the Mexicans that made it into Canada.

Of course, by having the Sasquatches migrate from Saskatchewan into the woods of Oregon and Washington state, they are causing havoc among the locals. Think about it. A bunch of white folks talking about seeing Big Foot in the woods. A big ole hairy ape thingamajig. Right! How much have you been drinking while out in the woods? Why is is that there are no reported sightings of Sasquatch in Canada? Because they want the US folks to look like a bunch of crazy demented yahoos. That is why. Then, they will gladly step in and publicly offer to help us with their Universal Health Care for mental patients, the Canadian internet pharmacies, Chrysler cars, and Moose Head beer. Sneaky eh?

Sasquatch, Saskatchewan, Justin Bieber (yes, another Cannuck). Are they related? Is it a coincidence that Sasquatch and Saskatchewan sound so similar alike? Is there a reason that Justin Bieber is on this list? Yes, because his original hairstyle was so floppy and long haired, that he could have looked like a well groomed teen medium foot. Not a Big Foot, he is not old enough yet.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Great Canadian Conspiracy Part I lost track

So, I have decided to come back to share my warped musings with the rest of you.

A few weeks ago, there was the announcement that Chrysler was going to pay off the loans to the governments. The governments? I thought that we only had one government at our federal level. Then they said, that Chrysler was going to pay off the loans to the US and the
CANADIAN governments. That is right, our soda cracker neighbors to our north. How much more proof do we need that the Canadians are out to get us? And speaking of Chrysler...

About a month or so ago, there was a special on one of the news channel about the US car industry. They were talking about the Dodge Challenger. Yes, that beautiful piece of old fashioned US muscle car nostalgia of the 60's and 70's. The beautiful 2011 Dodge (as in Chrysler) Challenger SRT8, 392 cid displacement Hemi V-8 putting out an awesome 470 horses with a 6 speed manual transmission. As Tim Taylor would have said on Tool Time, argh argh argh!!! It turns out that my beloved wet dream of a car to buy when I win the lottery is not a US car. No, it is a Mexicadian car. Yes, I said Mexicadian!!! All the parts are made in Mexico, including the vaunted Hemi motor. Then, they are shipped to guess where? That is right, Canada. The put it together, then they bring it south into the US dealerships. What else can I say?

Mexicadian. Yes, go ahead an look at the migration patterns from Mexico. They are going north. Of course, I would not want to live in a desert either. Yes friends, I tried to warn you about Dora the Explorer, always having to go north.